Growing

Kayla is in pre-school and will start primary in September.

She's such a bright spark, always bumpity happy and full of energy. She's also very forgetful, distracted and clumsy... But she's doing very well in school so I think she is just demonstrating he personality and things of her age. I think sometimes we expect too much of her, not knowing anyone of her age to compare to, since she is so good in communicating we expect her to be more responsible and objective in things she does... But we've decided to try and be more patient and try not to fight with her so much, as I think we were fighting too much, because, like I said, we were expecting too much, we must remeber she is just a child and just acts her age.

I went for a meeting with her teacher at the beginning of January, I saw she was doing well at the tasks that she had to do, she does very well in language and drawing (I think she gets that from her mom). I was satisfied with the meeting, the teacher was very friendly, wasn't in a hurry to get it over with... Was good.

At home I'm trying to teach her how to read in English, we were off to a rough start, because I didn't know how to teach, but after seeing some examples on a site I can do it better. She is reading small words, she knows the letters and I continue to do learning games with her on the internet. I also write small words on a magnet board for her to read and have printed out some papers for her to learn to write big and small letters.

She's a lovely girl!

The Leader

Kayla has a strong personality, she knows what she wants and what she doesn't want, she's a bit distracted, in our view, but most probably the reason is that she is in her own world. She's usually in a rush to do most things that she should do with calm and when she has to be in a hurry she usually takes her time, but I guess that's just because she's a kid.

I try not to forget what it was like to be a kid, when I see myself in her, what I used to do when I was a kid (what I can remember of that time), I try to be compreensive and understand why she does what she does. I think I am a bit harsh sometimes and there are days it feels like all I'm doing is fighting with her because of this or that and poiting out what she's doing wrong. I really try very hard to make sure to give her praise when she does something right, even in the small things, like washing her hands after going to the toilet or being nice to Andrew even though she wasn't asked to.

She is very much a leader and I hope she continues to be like that, but learning to give others a chance too, not stepping over others to achieve anything, I hope we, as parents, are able to be an example to that and make her aware of it. I say she's a leader, because when she gets to a group of kids, whether she knows them or not, she always ends up telling them what to do: "Let's go here"; "Let's do that"; "Go over there and do this", etc. And somehow most kids do as she wishes.

She has a strong personality, knowing what she wants and doesn't want. Her teacher has told me a few times that when an activity requires a specific colour, she insists that she doesn't want that colour, she wants this other colour. I try to let her be herself when it comes to art. Why is it that black is considered an ugly colour? So I try to explain to her that black isn't an ugly colour and start naming everything we have that is black and that we enjoy/like. When she was smaller she used to say she likes all the colours, but as she grows and get's different feedback from other adults and other children who brings attitudes from home, she also starts modeling those kids of attitudes, where they are saying that black is an ugly colour. Of course I would like her to colour all these happy, bright, Springy colours, but black, grey, brown, etc are also necessary in the palet, which I think she will eventually learn to moderate herself.

When I look at her colouring in something or trying to make the lines on the dotted line, she sometimes seems to be in a hurry to finish it off, colouring in in a hurry, not worrying if she goes waaay out the line or not, or that it's more of a scribble, where you can't even see what she was colouring underneath. She makes the lines in a hurry, going way off which then turns out in a little bit of a mess. But she sometimes has these beautiful pictures, so well coloured in, which makes me see she can do it. Most her pictures are of her and Andrew, on grass with flowers around, and the sun, she eventually started adding clouds in her pictures too. Or she draws herself, Andrew, Orlando and me with the same backround (grass, flowers, sun and eventually clouds). She's made a picture of the rout to the farm from my parents' house, she's drawn our apartment building. I think she is an artist, as her mom used to be, but I must confess, she's a much better one than I was. I remember how I used to draw people, from one stage to the other, but she draws people so much more beautifully. And her pictures are always happy ones, including flowers and parts of her like, which makes me happy. She is really a happy child.

She recently had her graduation party, she will be changing schools, going to pre-school. She was so beautiful with her hat, cape and cane, she got her deploma and a little book with her teacher's photo and the assistants, also with the names of all her coleagues written be them themselves. But Kayla doesn't seem to have the notion of the next step, she is only 5, she doesn't have that grasp of time, forever and never. I was quite emotional on her last day of school (she went on holiday a bit sooner so she can spend time with her grandmother). I think I was emotional because she's growing so fast, we're moving on to the next step in her young life, not knowing what will be coming next, how she will react and how she will adapt.

I confess her new school isn't what I expected, I didn't know it was an old house where they have to literaly move from room to room for different activities, I didn't picture that especially because they have several ages in the same class, but they divide the age groups to do different activities at the same time. We didn't know this until the day we went to write her in and took her along to meet her new school. She already knows a girl in there, and she loved it, she wanted to stay more and didn't want to go back to her old school, she was always asking when she was going to start her new school. I hope she keeps up this enthusiasm. We will see how this goes and decide whether she stays longer, I know when she goes to primary she goes to the downstairs, I also wanted her in this school because they have the same values as us and don't celebrate all those Catholic holidays and paganisms... Everyone has they own choices, they choose to do it one way, we don't agree with it and do it our way.

But she is obedient most times, if she knows a program is going to start that we don't want her to watch she'll say it's going to start or says it isn't a nice movie, so then we see if she will watch another channel, if we think she's watched enough and goes to plays with her toys or maybe even put on a DVD.

Whenever I start thinking she's getting big, smarter she comes out saying something I don't expect to come out her mouth, I still have to learn not to underestimate her intelligence.

Everyone tells me she's always smiling, whenever they see her she's smiling and happy. Well, as her mother, I know she's not ALWAYS like that, but I can say that she is most of the time, which I think is evedence of the life we're giving her. On her birthday card, most of the people wrote at the end of their message (me included), to always keep smiling.

She's a lovely child!

My Big Girl

Kayla is now 4 going on 5, she's such a lovely happy girl, always full of energy and a little stubborn sometimes.

We had her second term evaluation at her school this past weekend, this is her last year before she goes to pre-school. The teacher said she's very advanced for her age and she can tell when children get stimulation from home or not. I feel I could spend some more one-on-one time with her than I do now, this is something I should dedicate myself to more. We don't let Kayla watch a lot of TV, during the week she sees maybe an hour or less of TV each day, she watches a bit more on the weekends, but not exagerated. We taught her how to write her name and she managed to write it just after she turned 3. She now writes most of the letters and some numbers. I know she's a very smart kid.

We've set a bedtime schedule that she knows already - teeth, pijamas, story and bed. Sometimes she lies playing in her bed and we have to get a bit cross before she falls asleep, which could take hours sometimes...

She stays a night on the weekend at grandma's house, which she loves, it's good quality time for them.

We've recently set a new rule (again) about eating chocolates and sweets during the week, we had this a while back, but started giving now and then, which became everyday, so now, treats only for weekends, she accepts it without a struggle.

She will be going to the Adventist school this year, starting pre-school, they have similar teaching as us and it will be good for her to be in an envirement that teaches songs about God and where they pray. The good thing too is that they don't celebrate Carnaval and the traditions of the Catholic church (no offence meant to Catholics, it's just not our beliefs). At the moment where she is she doesn0t go to school at Carnaval time and Halloween, the problem is they speak about it the first week or two and after too, but we explain to her why we don't like those celebrations... One of the things the teacher mentioned at the evaluation was that she learns well this this and then she said traditions "which is important", I nearly said we don't abide by most traditions, but I kept quiet... Most of the traditions are Catholic traditions which they think everyone celebrates. Now for Easter the Portuguese (and maybe other countries) eat what they call "amêndoas", chocolates with nuts inside, this they say is part of the Easter tradition... Not something I care to teach Kayla, not a tradition I care much about... The tradition of Easter for me is remembering the meaning of Easter, Jesus who died for our sins and rose from the dead on the third day, that's the true meaning of Easter, which I must still explain to Kayla and hopefully she will speak about that at school, hehe! They're going to the factory where they make the "amêndoas", which I also don't care much for, but at least she will learn that they don't automatically come from the supermarket in packets, she will see there's a process behind it, but they're going because it's part of the Easter tradition.

Kayla's English and Portuguese are very good and people are surprised that she speaks both, I'm glad we stuck to the English when she was only speaking English and not Portuguese. I think Andrew will take longer to get there, Kayla was speaking much more and more clearly at his age, but all children are different and I am not one to compare one to another to make one seem less intelligent than the other.

To My Peanuts

I was sitting here for a few seconds, thinking of how I was going to start this post. It has been a really long time since I wrote anything and posted it. I have started writing a few times, but didn't post it.

We are now four, Andrew was born in February and he's now 5 months old and growing fast! He's a little bigger than Kayla was at his age. He's a very happy baby and I managed to give only breatsmilk until this week. He sometimes complains a bit after he's fed so we decided to start giving him something that will stay in his stomach a bit longer. At first he didn't know what to do with the spoon of porridge, but he grabbed the spoon and started sucking on it and if I take the spoon away to get some more on he starts yelling, hehe! So he's taking it as a natural.

Kayla was more attached to him in the beginning, she was always asking to kiss him, hold him, hug him, change his nappy by herself, bath him, etc. Now she's calmed down a little, she still loves him to bits though, she still asks to hold him and kiss him, she starts helping with his bath, but gives up and doesn't want to change his nappy anymore, but that's ok.

Kayla has grown a lot, she's now 1m tall. She's a smart little kid, still full of energy. She still thinks she's big enough to do everything herself, but I try to incentivate her to do as much as possible on her own and I tell her that even though I know she can do it on her own, sometimes she must let people help her.

During my maternity I stayed at home most of the time and that resulted in Andrew not being used to other people. We used to visit my parents for supper twice a week and he used to cry when they started talking with him, but he eventually warmed up to everyone and he's a cheery little fellow!

I miss being home with him everyday and weekends seem to pass so fast now, but it's also nice to be back at work and do something. By law mothers work 2 hours less everyday until the baby is one, I wish it was always like this, it's so nice to leave work early.

Well, got other things to do, so I'll stop here, will try to be back another day to write a bit more and add some photos.

Abortion Yes or No?

Baby at 10 weeks.

There were recently votes here in Portugal on whether abortion should be legalized up to 10 weeks or not.

I myself am against abortion, except for certain cases.

I really can't understand some of the points as to why abortion is ok... I am totally for women having to decide over their own body, but should a person, any person, decide whether or not another human being gets to live or not? How can we decide "This is my body" and take away the life of someone who can't choose yet? That point of "the women must say what happens to their body" doesn't change my mind about abortion... And what does the father say about it? If she doesn't want, but he does, doesn't he have any right of choosing life for his child?

Why is it that most people are enraged by animal cruelty, animal killing and animal torture, but some of these people agree with abortion?

What about those girls who don't have the privilege as I do to have a loving family, a loving boyfriend and loving friends, who accepted my pregnancy, who didn't try to force or persuade me to get an abortion? Those girls who don't get to choose over their own body because others around her don't agree with a baby? Not everyone is free to choose over their own body...

How many girls will get an abortion without letting anyone know, or without letting the guy know that she was pregnant in the first place?

I don't agree on children coming in to the world to suffer, but who are we to choose the fate of a person who could be anything he chooses to be? Who knows what this person will become?

Having a baby is a life changing moment, but it doesn't have to be for the worse

What about putting up for adoption?

For you out there reading this and who agree on abortion, I am not judging anyone, I don't know what it's like to consider abortion, I don't know what other women who have had abortions (illegal and not) went through. I know it's easy to speak when we haven't gone through a certain situation. I just don't understand some things as to why people say abortion is ok, no matter how far along a person is.

My pregnancy was not planned, I was not living with my boyfriend at the time, coming from a belief that sex is after marriage and making the mistake to go against that (the flesh is weak), I got pregnant and if my boyfriend didn't want the child I would not have gotten an abortion, because I do not believe that is the right choice (for me). And I know FOR SURE that no one ever regrets that Kayla was born!! She is the joy of the family!! For those who thought I should get an abortion, definitely don't regret the choice of me having her.

Yes is was scary, yes I didn't know what kind of world she would be coming into, yes I didn't know what kind of mom I would be or if I'd be any good at it, yes I didn't know whether my boyfriend and I would make it, yes to many questions any parent would ask. But I would give it a try, I would love her, protect her, care for her, provide for her best I could. Things have not been easy, but the good surpasses the not so good and she lights up my day everyday, whether she's in a good mood or not, whether she's sick or not. I cannot imagine my life without her!!

So no, I am not for abortion and cannot understand the points of people who are for abortion, whether they be doctors, common people, politicians, whatever they are... I am not closed minded and it's not that I just won't accept other people's opinions, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyone is entitled to whether they accept it or question it...

Second pregnancy

I wrote this blog below the day before yesterday, but it was only as "therapy" for myself, seeing as I now know the outcome of the story I will change it a bit and post it.

Here is my experience...

I've always wanted loads of children and always imagined having a bunch of them running around, but things don't always go as we want and sometimes we just gotta accept it. While I was pregnant with Kayla, near the end of the pregnancy, I got Preeclampsia, which at the time I had heard a bit about it and had read a little too, but didn't get too deep in anything concerning it. Even when I was admitted to the hospital for a few days stay before inducing labour, no doctors neither nurses would explain to me what exactly was going on and how bad it was. Except for a cousin of my grandmother who went to visit me, a neurologist, who told me what I had. I knew it was something serious, but sort of put it at the back of my mind.

After Kayla came out, I said I didn't want anymore, no more children!!! I felt this way because the stay at the hospital so far wasn't too pleasant, birth pains from the cesarean, unfriendly nurses, not too much info about my condition... When I left the hospital, swollen all over from the preeclampsia and high blood pressure I read a little more about it, the successful and unsuccessful stories. It's something no one knows how and why it starts, but it can develop over a period of time or come suddenly, it can also be deadly to mother and child.

I must say that if it were just up to me, I would have already tried for another child long ago, but I think it was good we didn't try sooner and maybe we should not have tried yet, who knows. Anyway, the preeclamspia is always a worry in my mind for the next child, I've read that if a person has had it before they are most likely to have it again, but it doesn't mean the person WILL have it again. My mom had it at the end of her pregnancy with my brother, but not for me and my sister... So that gives me hope that I won't get it again...

If that wasn't enough to worry about, recently finding out I was pregnant and excited to have the baby start growing and showing and moving about inside, I was so happy! Then at 6 weeks, I'm at work and go to the toilet before having lunch at my desk, which I hadn't done in a while, I see blood gushing out from inside and start to panic. Sorry if this is too graphic, if it is then don't read any further. I immediately tell my Team Leader what's going on and that I'm going to the hospital, called my boyfriend and left my lunch on my desk, leaving whatever work I had left to finish after lunch.

At the hospital the doctors were friendly, I'm glad my doctor was there. With the scan they could see the sac, but couldn't see why I was bleeding. My doc told me it could be a threat of a miscarriage and that I had to go back to the hospital if the bleeding didn't stop after a few days. I had an appointment previously made for the following week which I was to go to to do tests, in the meantime I needed bed rest, BLEH!

Ok, bed rest! Well, I bled quite a bit, with it what looked like tissue too. I didn't go back to the hospital, seeing as the bleeding had lessened. I read about what the causes of bleeding could be, I was hopeful that it was not a miscarriage. I felt fine, had no pains. Kayla had diarrhea and vomiting and I got that from her during one night, but other than that I felt normal... Something I did notice before the bleeding started was that my breasts stopped growing and weren't tender anymore, which I mentioned to my boyfriend and said I was worried something was wrong. He said that if something was wrong then I'd be bleeding, and surely enough, the next day that is what happened...I was still hopeful, I read about women bleeding and still having healthy babies, also my aunt had bled her first 5 months of her third pregnancy, she only found out she was pregnant when she was at 2 months because she thought she was having her period. But I had to put it in my head that I might not be one of those success stories...

Yesterday's doctor's appointment didn't help find out anything, the doctor told me to show up this morning at the hospital for another scan and blood tests. So this morning, during the scan the doctor showed me the sac and pointed out that there was nothing left inside it, so yes, I had a miscarriage. Blood tests were made to be sure of it. The one thing that helped me forget a little about what had happened was thinking of Kayla and the things she does that make me laugh, I'm grateful to God for putting her in my life, I love her very much!!

I was really sad, still am, but God chose this way for a reason, or various reasons. It was not the time and surely this is an experience I, or should I say we had to go through. I like the saying: "What doesn't kill me will make me stronger". I accept what happened and although I'm nervous and terrified for the next time, I'm hopeful that the next time will go well. It’s just a "wait and see".

Doctor's order is to wait 3 months before trying again, my body has to recover. She says that these things usually happen because the baby isn't developing properly. She also said that it was best now rather than later on, which I myself had also said before.

I am very sad, but I will survive!! This is one more page in my history, there are many more to come (God willing).

I want to thank all my family, friends and colleagues for the kind words they gave me, it is all appreciated and wholeheartedly welcome.

A very special thanks to Orlando and my mom for the care they gave me during this time.

I also want to apologize to Orlando for my mood swings, sorry about the grumpiness at times, I know I'm not the only one who suffered a loss.

Little Bright Light

Here I am again, finally, one year later.

Kayla has grown so much and she has become one nutty little girl!

We had the chance to experience a different way a life, different people and different environment in June/July, we went to visit Orlando's family in Brazil, a really very FAR away!!! Being there was nice, but the trip itself, with catching so many planes, the time spent in the air and a bus ride, it was just exhausting!! I enjoyed meeting everyone, they were all very nice, it was nice to get to see other kind of people other than Madeirans for a change and a good change of scenery. I did miss Madeira, I think this is a beautiful island, I missed my family here and Madeiran mountains, but it was just a lovely experience to be in Brazil. What I miss most after coming back, other than the people, is the heat! It was a bit unbearable at times, but I loved it! I know Kayla loved it too! She used to have baths outside in a plastic tub, walk around all day in her panty or nappie, sleep without pajamas, eat ice-cream all the time! That was great! I was a bit sad that Kayla didn't speak much Portuguese while we were there, seeing as her grandparents don't speak English, but now things have changed and our next trip everyone will understand eachother!

Kayla started going to school in August, so she's picked up a lot of Portuguese, I'm proud to say she is bilingual and doing great in both languages, although I think she speaks more English than Portuguese, which is fine, she's only 2 and a half years old, she'll get there! I'm so happy I stuck to my own way of continuing speaking English with her and not listening to other telling me to speak Portuguese to her... She is also doing very well at school, she's adjusted well, although in the beginning I thought she never would. Before she started I thought she'd do great, but her first weeks were terrible, screaming and crying for us not to leave her there, but now she gets there and doesn't even say goodbye, which is a good sign!! She's got her little friends and plays all day, what more could a kid want?! Haha!! Lately it's been so funny, when we go out for her to run around, any little girl she starts playing with is called Carina, I wonder why? :-P It's hilarious!

She speaks so much nowadays and sometimes says things we're surprised at! Words she learns from Strawberry Shortcake, Noddy, Winnie The Pooh or other shows she enjoys watching. It's also so cute to watch her play with her little baby dolls. It's strange that playing with dolls is not something I incentivated her to do, it just came naturally for her, I never wanted to put that stereotype on her, but if that's what she likes, so be it! I've heard it has something to do with the mothering (or is it parenting) she gets, that she imitates it with her toys, which seems true when we watch her play. There are times she puts on my shoes and then I call her mamãe and she pretends to be me, it's really funny! She herself is a little comedian!!! She's got a good sense of humor for her age, are other children her age also like that?

She used to be able to count in English up to 10 without missing a number, but nowadays she skips some on the way, she can ever go up to 20 inEnglishh, but some numbers get lost in space somewhere, haha! Come to think of it, I don't know up to which number she counts in Portuguese, it used to be 6 without missing any a few months back...

She still loves singing and has memorized some songs already, some are half memorized and it's so funny to listen to her sing and make up words along the way.

She's so full of energy she would be good for aenergizerr battery advert! She'd beat all those bunnies!! Haha!! And she'd got a very good imagination, she could play on her own for ages, without paying attention to anyone else.

When she gets a fright with something, she says "I'm scaried" instead of "I'm scared". haha!! And she says "I feld" instead of "I fell". I guess those are normal ways of using language for her age.

The other day I told her not to ask her grandfather for chips or suckers and she got upset, so I asked her if she was upset and said to her that I love her anyway, so she tells me back "No mamãe, don't love me!". Haha! Shame!

When we're home, she hardly ever wants her clothes on, the first thing she does when we get home is take off her socks and shoes and most times her clothes follow! She just loves that! Pity it isn't as hot as Brazil for her to be able to walk around without clothes, even in the Winter, but we're not in Brazil and it's cold here now, so clothes must stay on! Bleh!

She's managed to draw something now, she draws something like a circle with eyes, nose and mouth, hair and ears when we ask where they are and she forgets the rest of the body except for the shoes, she has to draw shoes and when we are the ones drawing a face, she asks for the shoes! She's going to be a shoe person, she's often worried the kids are going to take her shoes from her feet.

She still loves her trusty blanket and her little bear, when she started school she wouldn't leave the bear the whole day, she'd get there holding it and still have it when we went to fetch her, that was her littlsaviorur when she was left in that weird world called School.

Time for bed, there is most probable lots more to tell about my little star, but it's getting late and I need to get some sleep. Hopefully I won't take another year to update on my blog.

All's well in my world!