To My Peanut

The start of a Blog, the start of a new life

Monday, April 18, 2005

A Better Person

I know a few people have asked me to write about my daughter now nearly 10 months old, she's the reason I made this blog and I'll try doing that soon, but for now I'd like to write about something else.

This is something I've been thinking about a lot, even before my sister decided to move to England, but with her decision I've been thinking about it more. I feel that I haven't been the best person I could be. Till now, I haven't been the best daughter, the best sister, the best mother, the best girlfriend, the best friend, the best colleague the best Christian, the best role model, the best stranger.... I feel I could have been more that I was and it makes me feel sad, because I can't go back in time and make things better, there are a lot of things I wished I had done, one thing in particular and that is why I'm writing this blog.

One of the things I wish I had done a better "job" at is being a sister. I know for sure I wasn't the best sister I could be. When I was little, I'd get my brother into trouble with my parents, making some things he did (because boys will be boys) seem worse than they really were, and I'm really sorry for that, I know children often don't think of the consequences, but I really am sorry for the poor sister I was when I was younger.

Another thing I'm sorry for is not being the best sister I could be to my sister. It really makes me sad to think that I should've spent more time with her and included her more in things I did, that I should've taken her to the movies, just me and her, more often, that I should've gone skating with her and her new skateboard, that I should've had more conversations with her. I know not all was bad when we were growing up and I did have good times with her and defended her, but that wasn't enough and I hope she knows I love her and I hope that when we meet up again, that I could make up for that.

I don't know what kind of person I'll be from now on, I don't know if I'll try to be a better person to everyone around me, because sometimes I do things without thinking. Everyday I try to be the best mother I can be, although tiredness and lack of patience doesn't help much, I would like my daughter to grow up independent and I hope she's the best person she can be, but however she turns out I love her VERY much!